Am I?

Um...lately not so much.

Repent!

Clean Out That Grand Old Poop!

I wish we could do some cleaning out in Washington, D.C. as well. We should start with the pre-historic and brain-dead GOP and their greedy lobbyist minions...


...oh wait a minute...

...America itself is pre-historic, brain-dead and greedy.

Darn! Oh, well. It sounded like a great idea at the time.

The Creative Evolution of Stupiditism

We haven’t been keeping up with Bill Maher’s show on HBO lately and had to record the last few episodes. Even though we’re not quite up-to–date, here are some great lines from May 1st broadcast:

“There’s nothing wrong with putting Jesus on the Florida license plate. He’s a 2,000-year-old Jew. Where else would he live? But, would it kill you to show him with a little tan?! Is he waiting to be resurrected or defrosted?”






“Since viruses, like swine flu, get to be potentially deadly because they “evolved,” if you don’t believe in evolution and you get it, you have to pray it away.

You can’t crap all over Darwin and stem cell research and global warming and then come crawling back to science when you want Tamiflu. That’s for us sinners.”





“Now, last week I spoke about Governor Rick Perry of Texas, who mentioned secession as an option for dealing with Obama’s big government. But, now with swine flu from Mexico coming at him, suddenly the idea of being all alone on the border isn’t quite so romantic, is it?


Yes, Governor Perry hates two things: government and science. He appointed a creationist to head the Texas Board of Education. Which is shocking. Texas has a board of education?! And now he wants 37,000 courses of antiviral flu medicine. Sorry, Rick, we’re all out. But, we do have 37,000 tea bags. Will that help?”


= = = = =


“Folks, there is a lot that isn’t known yet about this swine flu, but there is one thing that we do know: the process that brought us the new flu is called evolution. It’s not rocket science, but it is science. A virus is Darwinian behavior we can see in real time. We can see that it jumps on a host, procreates until the host is exhausted and then jumps on something new. Like Mel Gibson.


Or think of it this way: viruses are like the free market. You adapt to survive or you die. I mean, except for Citibank and AIG and Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, General Motors, Bear Stearns... Okay, bad example. They’re nothing like the free market.


And, by the way, intelligence-challenged members of the mainstream media, creationism and Darwinism are not “opposing but equally legitimate theories” to be treated as such. This flu virus didn’t make the leap from pigs to humans because God felt like fucking with Mexicans. It happened because, like I said, viruses adapt to survive. Just like all other organisms on Planet Earth. With the possible exception of the Republican National Committee.”


You can read more about this particular episode by clicking here.


= = = = =



And since this entry deals with evolution versus creationism, religion and other superstitious fairy-tales, I thought I’d share this cartoon which I’ve found this morning:






So, is everybody happy now? That should settle this whole creative evolutionism controversy.


Wait...or was it the darwinistic creativinicity of theorizing evolutionists?


Oh, you know what I mean...the Federation of Planet’s Prime Directive.


Whatever...shut up!

A Cold Grumbler

And they say Americans don’t know anything about their own history.

I’m sick of being cold all the time. I’m sitting here at work every day in front of the computer and no matter what I do I just feel extremely cold. It doesn’t matter if I wear a sweater or a jacket. My fingers are like icicles and my skin is dry and breaks up to a point where I start to bleed.

In other words...I’m sick of winter.

Mind you, the winters here in Las Vegas are mild in comparison to the recent ice storms in the Midwest, where the temperatures dropped well below freezing. People there are without power due to downed power lines and probably will be for weeks to come. I remember the frigid cold of many winters in Germany when I grew up there. I was such a tough cookie back then. I’d run around in short sleeve shirts or wearing a light summer jacket when it was freezing cold out. It didn’t bother me then, nor did I ever get sick. Now I turned into a wimp. Sniffling, sneezing and shivering my way through the winter season.

But we live in a desert, damn it! Granted, it’s a high desert where colder temperatures during the winter months are not that unusual. But still. We are also experiencing one of the coldest and longest lasting winters in decades. With lots of snow even here in Las Vegas. Snow that actually stuck around. If it would ever snow here, as it rarely does, it would be nothing to brag about. It would consist of a few flurries really.

Nevertheless, we had yet another big winter storm blasting through the valley this last weekend. There’s over 20 inches of snow up on Mount Charleston. According to the weather forecast there’s another winter storm approaching.

Enough already!

Like I said, I turned into a wimp. A crybaby. Just because it’s a little colder here than usual. And I don’t like it! I hate winter! It’s not like we have to deal with blizzard-like conditions. Or with another extreme on the opposite side of the spectrum, such as the wildfires which are currently ravaging in Australia. Close to 200 people have perished there. Livelihoods destroyed. A true tragedy.

And here I am complaining about having cold fingers.

I shut up now!

Until the temperatures in Las Vegas reach way over 100 degrees Fahrenheit again in a few months. Guess what I’ll be complaining about then?

We can't wait either

Oh, this explains it then...

...on so many levels.

Moose Diplomacy

You know, just like seeing Russia from your kitchen window in Cowtown, Alaska really makes you THE expert in foreign affairs.


And since you're a hockey mom, you too have the sensibility to look really deep into Putin's eyes to sense his soul before one your brats accidentally (of course) hits that red button inside the White House.


Great, we'll move from Bush's cowboy diplomacy to Sarah Palin's moose diplomacy. In the meantime, John McCain will be too busy doing other important things. He's lost count of his homes again.


That'll make us all warm and fuzzy inside.

No Comment

These comic strips above pretty much sum everything up.