Monday, May 18, 2009

The Creative Evolution of Stupiditism

We haven’t been keeping up with Bill Maher’s show on HBO lately and had to record the last few episodes. Even though we’re not quite up-to–date, here are some great lines from May 1st broadcast:

“There’s nothing wrong with putting Jesus on the Florida license plate. He’s a 2,000-year-old Jew. Where else would he live? But, would it kill you to show him with a little tan?! Is he waiting to be resurrected or defrosted?”

“Since viruses, like swine flu, get to be potentially deadly because they “evolved,” if you don’t believe in evolution and you get it, you have to pray it away.

You can’t crap all over Darwin and stem cell research and global warming and then come crawling back to science when you want Tamiflu. That’s for us sinners.”

“Now, last week I spoke about Governor Rick Perry of Texas, who mentioned secession as an option for dealing with Obama’s big government. But, now with swine flu from Mexico coming at him, suddenly the idea of being all alone on the border isn’t quite so romantic, is it?

Yes, Governor Perry hates two things: government and science. He appointed a creationist to head the Texas Board of Education. Which is shocking. Texas has a board of education?! And now he wants 37,000 courses of antiviral flu medicine. Sorry, Rick, we’re all out. But, we do have 37,000 tea bags. Will that help?”

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“Folks, there is a lot that isn’t known yet about this swine flu, but there is one thing that we do know: the process that brought us the new flu is called evolution. It’s not rocket science, but it is science. A virus is Darwinian behavior we can see in real time. We can see that it jumps on a host, procreates until the host is exhausted and then jumps on something new. Like Mel Gibson.

Or think of it this way: viruses are like the free market. You adapt to survive or you die. I mean, except for Citibank and AIG and Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, General Motors, Bear Stearns... Okay, bad example. They’re nothing like the free market.

And, by the way, intelligence-challenged members of the mainstream media, creationism and Darwinism are not “opposing but equally legitimate theories” to be treated as such. This flu virus didn’t make the leap from pigs to humans because God felt like fucking with Mexicans. It happened because, like I said, viruses adapt to survive. Just like all other organisms on Planet Earth. With the possible exception of the Republican National Committee.”

You can read more about this particular episode by clicking here.

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And since this entry deals with evolution versus creationism, religion and other superstitious fairy-tales, I thought I’d share this cartoon which I’ve found this morning:

So, is everybody happy now? That should settle this whole creative evolutionism controversy.

Wait...or was it the darwinistic creativinicity of theorizing evolutionists?

Oh, you know what I mean...the Federation of Planet’s Prime Directive.

Whatever...shut up!


Jeff said...

LOL. I wonder of Flordia would like me use my fave personalized plate on their Jesus motif: 4-NI-K8

And, while Canada has no where near as many fundies as the US and the ones we DO have are more garden-variety types, I still have to walk past the Gosple Music Wall of Fame every morning in the lobby of my government building. Ugh.

Anonymous said...

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